To My Little Girl, On Friendships and the Ships That Matter

Dear Hana,

Today I saw that look on your face. That quiet, confused sadness you tried to hide when you told me, “She said we’re not best friends anymore.”

And oh, baby… I wish I could carry that pain for you.

But I can’t. What I can do is tell you a story. Not the kind with dragons or fairies — this one’s real. It’s about me, your Abah. And it’s about ships.

Yes, ships.

Not the kind that float in the sea. I mean friendships. Relationships. All the ‘ships’ that carry people into and out of your life.

When I Was Your Age

When I was your age, I thought best friends were forever. If we laughed together, played together, or shared snacks, that was it — we were bonded for life. I thought saying “best friends” meant nothing could ever break it.

But people grow, Hana. And sometimes, we grow in different directions.

Some friends are only meant to walk with you for a while. They come to teach you something, or to share a season of joy. And when their time is up, they drift.

It doesn’t mean they were fake.

It just means their part in your story was shorter than you expected.

Now That I’m 41

Now that I’m 41 — that’s like four times your age! — I finally understand something important:

Not all friendships are meant to last.

But the ones that do? They don’t always look like the ones you expect.

Some friends will disappear when life gets hard. The worst are the ones that keeps you around just to quietly laugh at you.

Some will be fun to be around — but only when things are good.

Some will forget you.

And some — the rare ones — will stay. Quietly. Gently. Even when you’re not your best self. Even when you have nothing to give.

Those are the ones you hold close.

The Ships That Matter Most

Let me teach you something I only learned recently — maybe a bit too late.

Every kind of “ship” is like a different kind of boat:

• Some are speedboats — fun, exciting, but gone quickly.
• Some are lifeboats — they help you when you’re sinking, but you can’t stay in them forever.
• Some are cargo ships — they help you carry heavy things.
• Some are battleships — you fight life’s battles together.

And once in a while… you find a ship that feels like home.

That’s the one you row with.

So What Should You Do?

Here’s what I want you to remember, baby girl:

• Be kind, even when people aren’t kind back.
• Let go of friends who hurt you more than they help you.
• Don’t try to be liked by everyone — be real, be you.
• And never forget that even if everyone else leaves… Abah will always be your crew.

You don’t need a boat full of people.

Just a few who row with you — not just when the sun’s out, but when the waves get wild too.

Love you forever,

Your Abah,

Still learning about ships